Don’t Reach For the Stars
Aug 26, 2019
There’s a lot of self-help talk about thinking positive.
You can do anything!
Just imagine how wonderful you are!
Reach for the stars (or the moon, and then you'll apparently land among the stars?)
Of course I understand and appreciate the essence of this advice, and I wouldn't be here unless I thought it was possible for everyone to accomplish what they want.
But really, just blindly reaching for the stars isn’t very helpful.
Some of you may feel like this advice is very out of character for me, the eternal optimist.
But, we need to redefine what an optimist is!
I am an optimist because I acknowledge that life has a lot of obstacles. And I have confidence I can face and overcome those obstacles. That's why I am an optimist. Not because I naively think that if you reach for the stars, you'll get there.
Here are two approaches to setting goals that don't involve reaching for the stars, at all.
1. Set the bar low.
As Tim Ferris says: "Removing the intense pressure of trying to deliver massive results each day WINS time and time again when compared to the negative psychological consequences of routinely under-delivering." His goal when writing books is to write two bad pages a day.
Since you can accomplish small goals more reliably, you have a better chance of creating momentum. And, momentum breads more momentum. Once you’ve worked out for 20 minutes, you’re going to get a confidence boost!
Also, setting small goals helps mitigate self-control fatigue. We get tired of trying to get ourselves to do things. If your goal is way too big, and that pressure of underdelivering has gotten the best of you, your self-control meter is likely at zero.
Some examples:
Setting the goal to wake up after three snoozes instead of five means if you accomplish it, you're still on the up.
Setting the goal to not eat sugar at breakfast is better and accomplishing it is better than saying you won't ever eat sugar, and failing.
Setting the goal to study for 45 minutes is better than setting the goal to study for four hours and failing.
2. Visualize both the positive and negative effects of achieving or not achieving the goal. Have an if/then plan.
There is a strategy of goal setting called WOOP. You can check it out here . These are the things I think are most powerful from this concept.
Mental contrasting:
Envision the best outcome if you achieve your goal. I am going to practice for four hours every day this semester! It is going to be amazing! I am going to learn four concertos! I see myself in the practice room learning so much!
Okay, now envision, just as strongly, the opposite. You don’t practice even one hour per day, you feel disappointment in yourself, you have to cram for every lesson, you get the lecture about practicing every week. Really feel that result.
After you envision these opposite scnarios, it may be time to adjust your goal to make achieving it easier.
Or, you need an if/then plan:
If I feel like not practicing, then I am going to practice for 15 minutes.
If I feel like not practicing, then I am going to at least do some listening in my room.
If I feel like not practicing, then I am going to read the promise I made to myself and remind myself of WHY I am doing this.
Which leads me to my final point:
You have to know why you’re doing something.
Goals without meaning are very likely to fail. You may have to stretch to find your why, or it may be completely obvious. As I told my class last week, if you’re a music major and really struggling to understand why you have to take that biology class, and aren't motivated at all to do anything for that class, you have to link it back to some why that has meaning to you. For example, you need to take that class because you need the degree to do what you love.
But, let’s get back to the basic advice here.
Maybe, don't reach for the stars.
Reach for the most accessible item that you are confident you can reach.
Then, let the momentum take care of getting you to the stars. ⭐️
♡
