Empty the dishwasher
Mar 22, 2024
Over the last couple of years, I’ve developed a complicated relationship with my dishwasher.
It started with how I was starting my day.
I'd get up (earlier and earlier), make coffee, and immediately pop open my laptop to nurse all the new notifications. A couple of hours would wiz by and I’d get completely absorbed, demolishing all boundaries between the personal and the professional.
Some people (including myself) would admire my “focus” and “work ethic”.
In reality, I was becoming so obsessed with getting more done that I started to convince myself of something ridiculous:
I didn’t have time to unload the dishwasher.
Something that takes 3.4 minutes. I couldn’t do it.
A vicious cycle developed.
Every night after making dinner I would curse myself because before beginning the clean up, I needed to empty the dishwasher. This grew into a dreadful task because it was longer than it needed to be, made even more unpleasant by my inner dialogue–a robust and confident set of harsh critiques about my life choices.
Obviously this wasn’t a time problem.
It was a mindset problem.
My energy of scarcity, hecticness, of desperation to “catch up” supported the story I was telling myself that “there’s clearly not enough time to empty the dishwasher.”
Some of you may remember from my DCA/360 goodbye message that one of the things I was feeling deeply was the need to create more space in my life.
When my coach asked me how I could begin to do this, one of the first things that emphatically flashed into my brain was: empty the dishwasher with ease in the morning.
So glamorous! I'd be lying if I said this didn't feel like a modest way to approach such a large goal. But, I’m open to a lot of ideas right now, so I ran with it.
The first couple of days I had to fight through a lot of intense resistance.
“Answer that email first! There’s not enough time Tiffany! The to-do list!"
But as I continued on, the resistance pulled on me a little less.
I was giving more patience and presence to the 3.4 minute exercise, and when it felt hard again, I was determined to see the rollercoaster through.
After about a month, more realizations began to develop from my new patroness saint, the dishwasher:
1) There will never be a moment in which all of the work is done.
No matter how long I sit at the computer, or run around checking things off my to-do list, I will not win that battle. It’s like chasing a peak that keeps growing.
Accepting that fact is mortifying to a “high-achiever” that has prided themselves (and much of their worth) on getting a lot of things done, well and quickly, for basically my entire existence.
But, after letting myself sit in the discomfort of the idea that there are infinite things to do in life and a finite amount of time, a new patience began to emerge. (Reading Oliver Burkeman’s Four Thousand Weeks was incredibly influential to me during this time. Highly recommend.)
2) Make fussy plans.
I was a little fuzzy at first about when this mighty feat of emptying the dishwasher would happen. I quickly realized I needed to define exactly when I would do it. So, I devised a fussy, not fuzzy, plan:
Morning routine (meditate, stretch, write etc without my phone)
Empty the dishwasher
Continue on with my day, phone allowed
The dishwasher took on an even deeper role in this fussy plan as a ritual that separates my morning routine without my phone from my day with my phone. What a thing of beauty.
(I'm not perfect, but these fussy plans are incredibly supportive to my deepest morning wishes.)
3) Approaching a simple task in my life with more patience, slowness and space truly is changing the way I approach many things.
It is contagious. And it is a gift to myself, a reminder to be wary of the fact that "the spirit of the times is one of joyless urgency." (Marilynne Robinson)
So, how about you?
🕕 Are you embracing the mindset that there’s enough time or not enough time?
🕕 Is there a point in your day that a small ritual (like emptying the dishwasher) could make a big difference?
🕕 What would happen if you approached a simple task in your life with more space and less joyless urgency?
Wishing you many empty dishwashers, a lot of patience, and the permission to go slowly, especially when it feels like you need to speed up.
♡
